We all know the truth often suffers a dent or two when it comes to describing properties and neighborhoods. Below are 10 useful translations for typical real estate euphemisms we’ve found online:
Cathedral ceilings: Better get a loan for your heating bill. Might be cheaper to burn your furniture to stay warm.
Close to schools: You will spend big chunks of your morning and evening commute stuck behind buses and crawling through school zones.
Commuter’s dream: Built conveniently at the bottom of an off-ramp next to a truck stop.
Daring design: Hope you want to live in a warehouse.
Efficiently designed kitchen: The kitchen is big enough for one person unless you want to open the stove. If you do, back into the living room.
Lots of storage space: Good luck making the basement a family room.
Meticulously maintained, original condition: Hope you like 50-year-old avocado appliances!
Pet-friendly neighborhood: Be sure to buy a pooper-scooper when you move in, even if you don’t own a dog.
Sprawling ranch: Bizarre floor plan designed by an orangutan on meth.
Walking distance to (X): Good luck finding parking in this neighborhood!
