“Listen. Do not have an opinion while you listen because frankly, your opinion doesn’t hold much water outside of Your Universe. Just listen. Listen until their brain has been twisted like a dripping towel and what they have to say is all over the floor.”
Hugh Elliott, author
Much of what ails estranged parties, be they political or buyers and sellers, is an immutable vision of what constitutes the truth. These personal truths amount to an inability to admit any opinion which might undermine their established position. It creates an untenable situation where the only acceptable resolution is forcing the opposing party into accepting your “acceptable” vision.
When opinions are so frequently fixed (and it seems to be happening with increasing frequency across government and private industry lines), no actual communication takes place. In fact, all that is said, broadcast, shared, tweeted, and posted to YouTube amounts to a kind of grandstanding for the speaker’s established choir. All of it amounts to the same thing: Look how inflexible I can be.
Strangely, inflexibility has been cast as honorable resolve. Brinksmanship, boogeyman blustering, and stubborn toughness has commandeered a position previously reserved for diplomacy, compromise, and consideration.
It makes you wonder: Have we become so desirous of simple solutions to complex situations, that we would rather simple, pig-headed positions than nuanced, productive discussion? Would we rather burn the house down than treat it for termites?
The problem tends to be we never reach a point of discussion. For there to be discussion, there must be listening. Listening helps us form questions, questions we use in negotiations and explorations to further build our understanding, reframe our own positions, and suggest new alternatives.
These days it is popular to try and make a name for yourself by playing to the lowest common denominator impulse of rigid idealism. Popular, but fatal. Definitely unprofitable. What happens when you see a seller lock onto a price they feel certain they should claim for their home? What is the result when a buyer contends that 100% of flaws in the inspection report fall on the seller’s shoulders? Their egos may survive in the short term, but the number of days on market tells the real story.
Inflexibility is not the preservation of what you value, it is the precursor to the death of value for everyone involved. Make an appeal for real listening and you will open the floor to amicable resolutions all around.
