“Resentments are like stray cats: if you don’t feed them, they’ll go away.”
–Source Unknown
As we enter the last month of the year, it’s useful to look back and take stock of how we spent this trip around the sun. Undoubtedly there were surprises in both the “good” and the “bad” column, but hopefully we can weigh the days and say we did our best.
One pleasure of a new year is the sense of starting with a clean slate. In order to do so, though, it’s important to assess everything you might be hanging on to that would be better left behind. Resentments are a perfect example of the kind of baggage you’re better off without.
When you resent someone, you actually prevent yourself from moving forward. The time you spend mulling over the source of your resentment is time you could spend focusing on something else. What’s more, you’re allowing the person you resent to continue to control your life.
There are a number of simple, effective tactics to help release yourself from the burden of resentment. Here are two common ones:
1. Practice gratitude. When you find yourself slipping into a resentful thought pattern, use that as a cue to sit down and list those things in your life you’re grateful for. Actually write them down. Now, here’s the catch: As you keep this running gratitude list, don’t repeat an item on the list. Every time you add to it, make sure your entries are unique. They don’t have to be big, but they have to be genuine. They might range from, “I am grateful for the start my father gave me in business” to “I am grateful for a hot shower in the morning.” Studies show that this simple act can greatly improve your attitude and sense of tranquility.
2. Think positive thoughts on behalf of the person you resent. You might be thinking: “What?! Forget it! They crossed me and the last thing I want to see is their success.” But to think that way is to feed your resentment. To take pleasure in their pain only deepens your own attachment. The cure is to actively visualize good things coming their way. It may feel fake and strange at first, but if you continue to practice this habit, you will gradually find yourself genuinely feeling better about your relationship with them.
There are other methods, of course, but these are two surprisingly effective techniques you can practice on your own. Won’t it be nice to let go of a few of those stray cats hanging around your door?
