“If a small thing has the power to make you angry, does that not indicate something about your size?”
Sydney J. Harris (September 14, 1917 – December 8, 1986), American journalist
Anger is not without its uses. The idea that we should never become angry is the fatuous stuff of greeting card lives. Anger in the right context can both reveal truths and advance discussions. Real anger points to a truth when it surfaces, however hidden that truth may be, and if you feel yourself growing angry, the emotion is asking you to pay close attention. What’s got you so invested? How is this issue able to get under your skin?
If it does not entirely destroy a relationship, anger can move a discussion forward when it’s blocked. How you frame that anger can make a difference, though. If you’re going to vent your anger to get at an underlying issue, it’s important to steer your sentences away from accusations. Instead of, “You never follow-up with web leads!” you might say “I am upset that no one called the prospect on Riverside Drive back for two days.” Maintaining respect while honing in on specific examples can transform that anger into a productive discussion and (hopefully!) equitable solution.
Venting anger can purge relationships of resentment. Resentment is a silent killer, of course, and hidden bitterness is often the cause of catastrophic breaks in marriages, friendships, and business deals. If you play the shell game of hiding and managing anger, you’re feeding a real beast. One day, it will break loose.
The truth behind anger is best considered after a break. Don’t rush to have a fight. If possible, take a time out, get a little exercise, or look for solutions to the source of the anger before bringing it to the surface. “Walk it off,” is sound advice. You might still be angry, but at a lower temperature… something safe to handle.
Finally, the truth anger points to sometimes may be that you need help. If rage is your constant companion, there are ways to seek counseling and get help with anger management and the underlying issues.
